TheRetroCritic

Roger Moore's second outing as 007 is a weird one... For one thing the film opens by zooming into Christopher Lee's nipples. Of which he has three. Lee plays Scaramanga, a wealthy entrepreneur with a secret desert island where he's not only building some kind of sun-powered death ray but also toying with a psychedelic fun-house-style room designed to discombobulate whoever enters it and get them killed. He's also extremely proud of his one-bullet golden gun made out of a cigarette case, a pen, a lighter and whatever else. He's one of the great Bond villains mostly because he is so darn happy with his absurd achievements and isn't afraid to show off a little. His henchman, Nick Nack, isn't quite as intimidating as the likes of Goldfinger 's OddJob (his one weakness is luggage ) but he is nevertheless just as memorable. The plot involves 007 being sent some golden bullet which MI6 believes to have come from Scaramanga and Bond is sent on a new s

Originally titled “ The Bop Decameron” , To Rome With Love was this year’s Woody Allen and boasted yet another all-star cast in yet another European setting. But where Midnight In Paris really pushed the whole romantic, nostalgia vibe, this one takes a different route altogether. For one thing, this is closer to the likes of You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger or Everyone Says I Love You where you follow not one but several characters in their own little continuing vignettes. Woody Allen and the ever reliable Judy Davis play a married couple who go to Rome to meet their daughter’s boyfriend’s parents only to find that the father sings amazingly well in the shower, which Allen’s character promptly plots to exploit. A young architect, played by Jesse Eisenberg, is involved in a love triangle between his girlfriend Sally (Greta Gerwig) and one her best friends (played by Ellen Page) althewhile being mentored by one of his favorite architects (Alec Baldwin), or his gh

Die Hard . How do you beat that movie in terms of action and sheer gripping suspense? I'll tell ya. With a vengeance, that's how. Don't get me wrong, I love Die Hard and it is a classic but when it comes down to it, it's pretty claustrophobic taking place mostly in that skyscraper and all. For me, Die Hard: With A Vengeance is just that little bit more glorious in that the entire city is at stake this time, you've got a villain which would give even the likes of Batman chest pains and it all takes off instantly. You thought Die Hard 2 lacked a certain je-ne-sais-quoi? Well here it is. That's another point: With A Vengeance continues the franchise without feeling like a retread, which Die Hard 2 was a bit, to a certain extent. This time around, John McClane's not exactly at the top of his game. He's been suspended from the police force, his marriage has gone down the drain once again and he's got a bad hangover. So when a new villain on

Flop or not, Quentin Tanrantino and Robert Rodriguez's Grindhouse was certainly influential enough with countless crazy-ass films trying to capture the same type of trashy faux-thenticity and lolgasmic OTT nonsense since. The results have been a mixed bag, for sure, but I'm happy to say Hobo With A Shotgun is one of the good ones. It seemed pretty promising, the prospect of an aging Rutger Hauer shotgunning down thugs "one shell at a time" was something to look forward to. In the end we got a film which unfortunately didn't have that "event" quality Planet Terror possessed but which did not disappoint delivering a strong, funny, completely entertaining addition to the subgenre. Hobo With A Shotgun works as a stylish, well made Troma flick with less boobs but more surreal cruelty... and more hobos. The film looks great with its, ahem, interesting colour palette mostly limited to red or blue half the time, Hauer plays it straight and does a fantas

Looking back, two things bother me about Rubber : 1/ It's a movie about a tyre. 2/ I was genuinely excited about watching a movie about a tyre. Both suggest that not only is the film a slight effort to say the least but that my life is well and truly empty. I mean, the movie's playful marketing was hinting at Grindhouse -style mayhem complete with tons of gore and fun tongue-in-cheek self awareness. Sadly, the latter proved more right than I could have ever imagined. Hell, the film spends a good hour and a half referencing itself, joking about its own rubbish and not only breaking the fourth wall but penetrating it with its own tyre-shaped penis. I'll leave it to you guys to picture that. I like lols as much as the next guy and I loved the likes of Planet Terror and Hobo With A Shotgun , films which, though self-aware, actually really entertaining, funny and cool movies in their own right. But Rubber goes for an almost arty, indie-type vibe and jokes about its

Yes, Woody Allen's back already with To Rome With Love and this time he's got one crazy-ass cast: Roberto Benigni, Ellen Page, Jesse Eisenberg, Alec Baldwin, Penelope Cruz... Together... at last? Oh and Woody Allen himself also participates. Looks fun :) The Allen-starring ones are always worth checking out, lets hope this one is no exception.

The original The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo was a film I expected a lot from. Overhyped upon its release, it was really being pushed as THE next must-see thriller series. Bourne was done, Bond and Ethan Hunt were on their gap years: this was the sexy European fix we needed. What we got was a cross between a TV movie-style investigation, a classic whodunit and a sexy, modern, kickass thriller. It hardly blew me away but it worked and although I was no fan I acknowledged it was well made and was a good example of the genre. Now David Fincher is in as director for the remake and the likes of Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara, Christopher Plummer and Stellan Skarsgard make up the cool US cast. The result? It's the same. Well, more or less the same. You've got a swanky Placebo-style music video to get you started as a kind of dark, modern, gooey Bond opening title sequence complete with fire, Led Zepellin AND hornets. Not sure how useful that really was but I enjoyed it: it was

What makes a good biopic? An accurate cast? An involving story? Strong emotional conflicts? Yes, all of those, of course. But also a good biopic needs to tell us something new about the person being looked at. Otherwise, what are you left with besides people in funny disguises? Not much it seems, as My Week With Marilyn clearly demonstrates. From the offset it's clear that although there is a lot there story-wise to work with, the film will never even begin to scratch the surface of what's essentially the meat of the whole thing. Instead of focusing on Monroe's struggle to work in a film with Laurence Olivier, which could have had some dramatic potential, we instead follow the whole thing through the eyes of young Colin, some lucky-ass kid with no apparent personality, whose kinda-affair with the star is told through pretentious voice-overs, unlikely reconstructions and dialogs. All in all, we learn that Marilyn Monroe had trouble being recognized as a "rea

No less than 5 years after their last release, The Red Hot Chili Peppers are back this month with a new album, I’m With You , which should no doubt satisfy hungry fans.  But how does the album fare minus long-time guitarist John Frusciante, who officially left the band back in 2009? Throughout the years, The Red Hot Chili Peppers have undergone changes and reinventions aplenty whilst always keeping their own brand of funky rock perfectly intact. The biggest switch came in 1999 with the release of hit album Californication which showed the band in a darker, more melancholic light. This meant the usual anarchic fast-paced funkiness increasingly gave way to an altogether more atmospheric and melodic approach. This was clearly the beginning of a new era for the band. The next album, By The Way , really made the most of Frusciante’s creativity and excelled especially with some of the best, most nostalgic ballads the band ever attempted. The album showed real heart and maturity but it wa