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STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE - REVIEW

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As he took on the very first Star Trek movie, director Robert Wise certainly had his work cut out. Pleasing fans of the original series while translating a somewhat cartoonish 60's show into a legitimate, impressive 70's space opera to rival Star Wars was never going to be easy. How to bring these characters back together? How to update the look of the show without sucking all the iconic charm out of it? Turns out: by making a really long episode :S Yes this Star Trek isn't so much the big, awesome movie you'd expect but rather an extended episode of the original series with different sets, different costumes and better (but still mostly cheesy) effects. Which is not to say it's bad, even if critics and audiences over the years have panned it quite a bit, it's actually very decent (a very decent episode that is). As a movie... Star Wars this isn't. To give you an idea: it takes about 35 minutes for the main crew of The Enterprise to come togeth

STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL - REVIEW

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Of all the bad movies I managed to acquire this year ( Catwoman , The Room , Troll 2 ) THIS is the one  I was waiting for. The Star Wars film that makes Episode I feel like Goodfellas and those Ewoks movies look like Avatar . A cinematic fail unlike any other, this is one experience you'll never forget. For one thing the first 20 minutes or so is almost silent except for the ear-raping wails and moans of Chewbacca's ugly-ass family. No subtitles, no words: just noises for 20 loooong minutes. It's unwatchable. Then, we're basically treated to the family's entertainment throughout the evening all displayed on various screens around the house. Harvey Korman pops up no less than 3 times, one of them in drag (and, um, questionable make-up) and if that's not exciting enough for ya, there's also Wookie porn, green-screened acrobats, Jefferson Starship's soporific music video and a truly ungodly "Life Day" celebration in which Carrie Fisher does