TheRetroCritic

With Lara Croft: Tomb Raider doing well at the box-office despite it failing to be the cinematic adaptation of the classic game people were waiting for, a sequel was nonetheless inevitable. New director, new adventure, new hope. Could this be the Tomb Raider film we were all waiting for? Sadly... far from it. Once again, the film misses the point of the game and replaces what should be an Indiana Jones -type of vibe with more of a Mission Impossible approach. Angelina Jolie's Lara Croft is paired with Gerard Butler's agent to uncover Pandora's Box thanks to a big, glowing... Dragonball. The film opens with Lara already on a mission and although there is something really messy and uninvolving about that opening scene, it's all worth it just to see her punch a shark in the face: by far the best and funniest moment in either film. The plot sees a competing douchebag, some evil scientist guy, following the trail of the orb and the Box while Lara attempts to retri

The great Roger Corman returns with yet another B movie creature feature. Forget Piranhacondas, for now is the time of Sharktopi. Yes, apparently the US Navy, under Eric Roberts' supervision, one day decided to merge a shark with an octopus to create the ultimate killing machine. All was well while the beast was under control but our luck has finally run out and the Sharktopus is loose and out for blood. Why a shark and an octopus, you ask? Because Eric Roberts was drunk, that's why. Sharktopus is every bit as trashy as the title suggests and it couldn't be any prouder of that. You've got a cheap-looking CGI monster, a poorly shot, shockingly acted, mostly overcast Summer horror flick which takes Jaws and Piranhas the hell out of it once more. We've had mega sharks, giant octopi, sharks with two heads, it was only a matter of time before the B movie world would give Sharktopus a shot, really. The film is completely self-aware and doesn't waste any t