TheRetroCritic

Oil and fire together is not good. Noted.

Remember back when it was totally ok to call your Bond film Octopussy for absolutely no reason? This was the early 80's, when Roger Moore was still James Bond despite being a little too old for the role and 007 movies each doing pretty much exactly the same thing without any real surprises. Oh sure Bond went to space and got an extra nipple at some point, but essentially the formula stagnated and/or went downhill after that. Octopussy preceded A View To A Kill , Moore's last Bond flick, and it tends to be remembered more for its racy title than for its content. In a nutshell: the film's plot is irrelevant. Something about the Soviet Union trying to setup a war through a women-led circus somehow, and jewellery... This'll hurt less if you don't think about it. A lot happens in this movie but so much of it is either random or completely irrelevant, you could be forgiven for thinking this is more of a clip show from other Roger Moore Bond movies rather than its

The great Roger Corman returns with yet another B movie creature feature. Forget Piranhacondas, for now is the time of Sharktopi. Yes, apparently the US Navy, under Eric Roberts' supervision, one day decided to merge a shark with an octopus to create the ultimate killing machine. All was well while the beast was under control but our luck has finally run out and the Sharktopus is loose and out for blood. Why a shark and an octopus, you ask? Because Eric Roberts was drunk, that's why. Sharktopus is every bit as trashy as the title suggests and it couldn't be any prouder of that. You've got a cheap-looking CGI monster, a poorly shot, shockingly acted, mostly overcast Summer horror flick which takes Jaws and Piranhas the hell out of it once more. We've had mega sharks, giant octopi, sharks with two heads, it was only a matter of time before the B movie world would give Sharktopus a shot, really. The film is completely self-aware and doesn't waste any t

As my endless search for the funniest and best bad movie around continues, I find myself sitting for an hour waiting for some rubbish-looking octopus to show up in a spy movie set in a submarine.  And although the wait is obviously not worth it, there is at least enough silliness involved here to keep me entertained. You've essentially got two movies in one here: a watchable spy TV movie starring a Daniel Craig lookalike as a Russian terrorist and an awfully boring horror B-movie about a giant octopus messing around with a submarine filled with forgettable characters. Putting these two films together, shockingly, doesn't work and you'll soon find yourself not caring about the monster and just wishing you were watching the spy movie instead. Dire special effects, terrible but fun over (and under) acting, evil Daniel Craig dressed-up like an old lady, Carolyn Lowery's slutty "scientist", the line: "She's holding, baby!": there