TheRetroCritic

After the resounding success of Twilight , director Catherine Hardwicke went on to direct a more teen-friendly, melodramatic take on a classic Grimm tale with Red Riding Hood . The film, it turned out, had very little to do with Little Red Riding Hood and was mostly just a thinly-disguised excuse to have yet another supernatural love triangle plot involving werewolves and young girls with mixed emotions. Oh, and Billy Burke. Gotta have Billy Burke. Amanda Seyfried is Valerie, the red hood-wearing gal who falls for a woodcutter when her family decides to set her up with another young man who is much more well-off. This is all mostly irrelevant and uninteresting and the movie itself seems more interested in its "whodunit" plot which involves a telepathic werewolf (don't ask) who is terrorising the village and some nonsense about how Mars, when aligned with the Moon, can affect the werewolf's bite or whatever. The big question throughout the film being who cou

Ever wondered what the story of Little Red Riding Hood would be like with added crack whores? I know I have! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: Freeway . A film so not for kids it might as well be called "Little Bitch Red F***ing Hood". A Twilighty Amanda Seyfried flick, this is not. The film follows a young Reese Witherspoon as she attempts to leave her delightful life of incest, prostitution, drugs and whatnot to find her good ol' grandma with her trusty little red picnic basket. Her car soon breaks down in the middle of a freeway but Big Bad Kiefer Sutherland comes to her rescue and gives her a ride. It all goes fine until Jack Bauer turns out to be a freakin' maniac. It's, believe it or not, all downhill from there. Along the way, our hero meets a positively not all there Brittany Murphy, a LOT of messed-up peeps and... Brooke Shields (?). Here's one cult movie that doesn't like to sugar-coat things. It starts off rough and ends... prett