TheRetroCritic

From director Alex Proyas comes Dark City , a modern film noir detective flick with a difference. While its story may develop in a similar way to other films in that genre, you've got a mysterious group of powerful, bald, vampire-like weirdos in there and a good bunch of bizarre twists which add a layer of surrealism to the whole thing. Dark City stars Rufus Sewell as John Murdoch, a man suspected of killing several prostitutes who finds himself on the run after waking up in a hotel room he doesn't remember. In fact, his memory is pretty much all gone so it makes finding out the truth even more tricky. William Hurt is the detective tasked with the case, Jennifer Connelly is John's concerned wife and Kiefer Sutherland is a shady doctor who appears to know more than he claims. As a piece of neo-noir, Dark City is pretty fascinating as it, about halfway through, defies your expectations and goes in a direction you wouldn't expect. As the plot moves towards more of a

Well, it's Halloween, so what better to review but a film by the master of Italian horror himself? Yes, I'm talking about Dario Argento, of course. Armed with an army of flies, a gloriously inappropriate rock opera soundtrack and buckets of shattered glass and blood, Phenomena (also known as "Creepers" ) is certainly one of those must-watch silly horror flicks. Troll 2 gets all the love these days but Phenomena, though it's made somewhat more pertinently (visually at least), is a completely entertaining oddity that's well worth seeing for any fan of trashy/arty horror. A young Jennifer Connelly leads a mostly lost cast and actually does a decent job considering her lines are about as silly as they come. Donald Pleasence, however, doesn't seem too sure about why he's having to interact with an ape almost every scene he's in while spouting out convenient bags of quirky exposition. Everyone else is mostly rubbish and, as such, help provide ton

Going into The Hunger Games with no prior knowledge of the story or the book, with only a really vague trailer and a rough guess of it being like a kid-friendly Battle Royale -type deal, I was hardly dying to see it. But, desperate for a popcorn movie and half-aware of some decent reviews for it I decided to check it out in the hope of finding some sort of originality, simple entertainment or maybe, just maybe, some good old fashioned Battle Royale teen cruelty. So how did The Hunger Games "play out"? Not bad, as it happens. I mean, I'm amazed it's done so much better than John Carter financially since both films are just as enjoyable but I can understand the film being more accessible going in. For one thing the concept is fairly straight-forward and bears no resemblance to Flash Gordon in the slightest, and there's no sign of any intimidating use of Avatar -style CGI in what can only be described as the plot for a really epic, campy Saturday morning 8

And I thought I'd seen every messed-up David Cronenberg film around... Settling down to newer, tamer efforts like A Dangerous Method with the misguided belief that "It's better than no David Cronenberg film, right?..." while in fact secretly pining for another Scanners , Videodrome or even Dead Ringers . Then eXistenZ is lent to me and I'm sitting there, expecting a kind of fast-paced Gatacca meets The Matrix type sci-fi thriller. That would have been fun enough but... Oh man... This is true, CLASSIC Cronenberg. Complete with gore, f***ed-up genius imagery, super creative concepts and disturbed individuals by the thousands. Where do I even start with this?! You've got this new game being tested called "eXistenZ" which is meant to be extremely realistic. Its controllers are basically living slabs of flesh with ombilical cords which plug into an anus in your back. Are you following? Good. Along the way, Jude Law tries his hand at an Ame

I resisted. Honestly I did. Before watching Alias I only knew it involved some girl running around corridors with wigs and I refused to believe there was anything more to it than that. I refused to allow myself to like it. To be fair, there is a LOT of Jennifer Garner running around in wigs down corridors. That's like a given for any episode: that WILL happen. Accept it now and you'll feel better about it very quickly. So what is Alias? And how can I even begin to explain without spoiling the whole thing for you guys? Lets just say it's a European-style spy thriller series created by Lost / Fringe maestro J.J. Abrams with a terrific cast of characters, some of the best twists and cliffhangers you'll find in any show, a kinda supernatural underbelly (so good) and one of the all time great TV villains. Being an early noughties thing, expect the odd shitty pop song, copious amounts of techno music and Brosnan-era Bond-style technology. Season 1 is quick to get

In most cases, comedies work depending on how good or clever their original premises are. And if that's true then Horrible Bosses should be amazing. Its not. And that it's not is something of a miracle. I mean, you've got Colin Farrell doing the mother of all Michael Keaton impressions with a combover, you've got a perfectly psychotic Kevin Spacey, a masturbating Jennifer Aniston...do you NEED more? Well good jokes would have been a plus. Sadly, Horrible Bosses is one of those movies where a bunch of funny dudes are left rambling in loud improv mode for hours as a golden set-up and potential hilarity go to waste. Sure there are some good lines here an there, amidst Charlie Day's relentless high-pitched screaming but a film like this, where the villains and the concept are the real stars, there really is no need to milk our main characters for on-the-spot lols. Try writing jokes next time, perhaps? I'm just sayin'... Admittedly, our bosses are stil

Not many films can boast having Jennifer Aniston hitting a killer leprechaun repeatedly with a stick, but I'm just glad at least one does! Back in the days when Freddy, Jason, Gremlins, Trolls, Critters and about a million other serial killing monsters were freely roaming the Earth, turning every holiday into death-traps, the idea of an evil leprechaun haunting St Patrick's Day, fighting for gold felt pretty inevitable. Warwick Davis has a ball as the titular Irish legend, unfortunately his Joker-style hammy shenanigans which include pogo-sticking someone to death, driving tiny vehicles, laughing and "punning" the entire time make the film kinda hard to take seriously-ish as a horror film. Of course, it's all meant to be some good, clean, silly fun but the film isn't quite funny or scary enough to qualify as either a good comedy or a good horror. Aniston does her best to deliver such quality lines as "That was no f***ing bear!" and, for the mo