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THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY - REVIEW

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Alright, let's get the annoying technical stuff out of the way first. Unknowingly, I saw The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey  in "high frame rate", which means that my eyes not only had to take in 3 hours of crazy fantasy visuals but in 3D and at 48 frames per second. Forgive me if I sound a bit bitter about that, I'll make sure not to let that taint my review of the movie itself. I will say, however, that if you want to see The Hobbit: check it out in 2D or 3D, don't high frame rate that shit. The CGI stuff just doesn't gel with the real stuff and you just end up watching what feels like dudes with big fake noses and big-ass plastic feet wearing silly costumes. Which, in essence it is, but you're taken out of the movie SO quickly and so much that you're just left squinting your way through what looks like a low-budget 90's BBC fantasy TV series. Anything slightly fake-looking make-up/costume/background-wise is emphasized to the max and that rea

LOTR: THE TWO TOWERS - REVIEW

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A new power is rising... The Fellowship is scattered: Boromir's gone, Gandalf is seemingly dead, Merry and Pippin have been captured, Sam and Frodo are on their own. Nothing seems to be going right. The Two Towers essentially follows these three plot threads (plus several subplots) as everyone goes on their own individual missions. Aragorn, Legolas (Orlando Bloom) and Gimli (John Rhys-Davies) are on track to go and save Merry and Pippin, the latter, however, have escaped on their own and are hanging out with tree people (Ents). The trio's mission then changes and they're finally off to a big battle. We also get some terrific new characters, this includes Brad Dourif's Wormtongue, a guy who somehow, by looking like Tim Burton's Jim Carrey and being called "Wormtongue" managed to become the king's main advisor. You've got Dredd himself, Karl Urban, as Eomer, David Wenham as Boromir's bro Faramir and warrior princess Eowyn (Miranda Otto)

LOTR: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING - REVIEW

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Reviewing each film in Peter Jackson's Lord Of The Rings Trilogy individually or picking a favourite out of the three is actually not an easy task. They're pretty indispensable to each other but let's try and single this one out for now regardless. This is where it all began:  The Fellowship Of The Ring . You know the plot, bearded dude shows up on some old Hobbit's doorstep, sends his nephew on some huge, crazy suicide mission involving a ring of power that could potentially destroy everything good on Middle Earth through some big orange angry vagina eye on top of a scary tower. Preposterous? Yes. But in J.R.R. Tolkien and Peter Jackson's hands: magic. No fantasy epic has even come close before or since to reaching the scale and sheer grandeur of this trilogy and doing it this well (sorry Narnia), these are big far-out stories involving elves, dwarves and goblins and yet it feels important: you're invested. Not an easy thing to achieve. Back in the 80&

HE'S THE HOBBIT (SMALLER THAN A RABBIT) - MUSIC VIDEO

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DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE - REVIEW

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Die Hard . How do you beat that movie in terms of action and sheer gripping suspense? I'll tell ya. With a vengeance, that's how. Don't get me wrong, I love Die Hard and it is a classic but when it comes down to it, it's pretty claustrophobic taking place mostly in that skyscraper and all. For me, Die Hard: With A Vengeance is just that little bit more glorious in that the entire city is at stake this time, you've got a villain which would give even the likes of Batman chest pains and it all takes off instantly. You thought Die Hard 2 lacked a certain je-ne-sais-quoi? Well here it is. That's another point: With A Vengeance continues the franchise without feeling like a retread, which Die Hard 2 was a bit, to a certain extent. This time around, John McClane's not exactly at the top of his game. He's been suspended from the police force, his marriage has gone down the drain once again and he's got a bad hangover. So when a new villain on

THE LOVELY BONES - REVIEW

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The trailers for Peter Jackson's latest may not have boasted any truly fascinating plot points but at least it looked good and had a decent enough cast, so how bad could it be? Turns out very. Very very bad indeed. In many ways this is a film which was doomed from the start. When the director is miscast, the best you can hope for is a clunky but honorable attempt. After all, this is the guy who brought us horror classics such as  Bad Taste  and  Braindead , fun comedy  The Frighteners  and of course the epic  Lord of the Rings  trilogy. The Lovely Bones is by far the director's worst hour: a complete disaster from start to finish with some of the worst acting I've seen in a long time.  Films like  The Wolfman  or  Precious  may have been overall uneven and clumsy affairs but at least they had some redeeming features about them. This, however, misses the mark on all accounts. The script is loathsome in that it adapts a novel in the dullest, most nonsensical way humanel

THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN - REVIEW

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Growing up in France I was pretty much pre-programmed as a Tintin fanatic from the start. Owner of all the books (yes, even the infamously racist one), proud addict of the animated series and devout follower of all things Tintin, the prospect of a film based on Herge's comics directed by Steven Spielberg was a pretty exciting one to say the least. Looking forward to a full-on live action Tintin film, the announcement that the whole thing would be motion-captured was a tad disappointing. I mean, there hasn't been a good live action Tintin flick since 1961's Tintin And The Mystery Of The Golden Fleece : it felt right. But an animation? How could it ever measure up to the TV series or even the 1972 animated feature Tintin And The Lake Of Sharks ? I guess the idea was to stay true to Herge's designs (...by changing them?) but the cartoons did that pretty well so that sounded like a bit of a redundant move. Like Superman Returns being a homage to a franchise which alre

THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN - PREVIEW

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Just like probably 99% of French and Belgian people out there, I'm looking forward to Steven Spielberg's take on the classic Tintin franchise. Yes a live action film would have been amazing since the only genuinely good live action Tintin film to date remains Tintin and The Mystery of the Golden Fleece which, as adorable and charming as it is, was made back in 1961. And in terms of animation we have the Tintin animated series (made in the early 90's) which, although they tended to rush through a lot of the books, were near perfect. Growing up with these cartoons, they always felt exciting, smart and grown-up (lets assume Tintin in Congo was a bad dream, yikes). Both the books and the animated series never talked down to its audience, which made it that much better to follow. Now after several unpleasant attempts at "realistic" looking CGI animations ( Polar Express anyone?) and some underrated efforts ( A Christmas Carol ) we're getting a Tintin anima