TheRetroCritic

As good as it is to see Hammer back in town, so far their movie choices haven't exactly been mind-blowing. The Woman In Black , if the play was anything to go by, seemed like a promising vehicle though. With its moody, dated look, an effective ghost story at its heart and more than just some woman wearing a silly mask (see the play) to scare the bejeesus out of us. Daniel Radcliffe is our protagonist and heads to the rather unpleasant, reportedly haunted, house in the middle of nowhere. There's also a small town nearby with a bunch of dodgy inhabitants all hiding some sort of big secret which might have something to do with several kids randomly committing suicide around the village. Yes it's pretty standard and very predictable but it's also very Hammer so there was a lot of schlock potential there! These guys practically invented this nonsense, surely this should be a walk in the park for them. Well, yes and no. There is a sense throughout The Woman In Black

For a film that's sat on the shelves for so long, The Cabin In The Woods has done rather well for itself. It's been called a "game-changer" within the horror genre and it's been compared to Scream for its self-awareness and satiric take on a familiar horror template. The result? One hell of a fun movie! And pretty darn clever. ... and spoilers so if you haven't seen it: beware. As the trailers spoilered (new word), The Cabin In The Woods mixes sci-fi with Evil Dead -style slasher conventions to create something resembling a cross between Cabin Fever and The Truman Show but altogether infinitely better than the former, don't worry. Actually, the sci-fi twist isn't much of a "twist" at all: the film begins with both genres firmly meshed together. You've got the ever reliable Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford casually chatting in a futuristic Bond villain-style lab setting before the title bangs on the screen loudly in bloo

Can YOU guess... GUESS NOW!

For a film about downsizing, Up In The Air really doesn't have much to say on the matter except, well, that it's a painful experience. But that's hardly an innovative notion. As a character study though, Up In The Air is pretty good with George Clooney's Ryan not exactly the kind of guy you expect to end up liking but you do anyway. It's light, breezy, funny, stylish and pretty entertaining.  The Oscar buzz feels undeserved though, as good as Clooney is, his performance doesn't exactly leap off the screen and as fun as the film is, it doesn't have much to say besides the old Disney message that families are "good". Unlike Reitman's  Thank You For Smoking  which was far more convincing as a similar type of study. Overall, see it, just don't expect  Lost in Translation .  

Soon after the first Pink Panther film, Blake Edwards jumped straight into a second instalment, this time focusing on the first film's scene-stealing inspector in an infinitely more cartoony outing. This was always my favourite. For one thing its Agatha Christie-style plot works brilliantly and is far more involving than David Niven's rather bland cat burglar story: it all builds-up to a classic ending reminiscent of Hercule Poirot's last-minute suspect reunions but far more goofy and catastrophic. The film is beautifully made and once again boasts a fantastic score from musical deity Henry Mancini, one which boldly doesn't solely rely on that famous Pink Panther theme but instead blends a new terrific theme with haunting, amazing tune The Shadows Of Paris . Edwards has done it again: another instalment which looks, sounds and feels just perfect. Peter Sellers is given more of the same to do in the first act but he soon gets a chance to really get silly: cue cou

Shrek had a good run. And for a character I never actually liked all that much, it's amazing the series kept me watching until now. Never a fan I nonetheless looked forward to the antics of the cartoon gang, at least early on. Although it feels like Puss In Boots should have been made way earlier, say between Shrek 2 and 3, when the joke was still fresh, it seems Antonio Banderas' furry alter-ego still has enough charm left in him to warrant a solo effort. Luckily, Puss In Boots is a breath of fresh air. Forget the tired, endless pop culture references, forget the Fat Bastard-sounding ogre, forget that mouthy Donkey, forget the shitty pop songs: this is where it's at. By going for a vastly different vibe, focusing more on the characters, the story and the action, Puss In Boots proves itself to be an infinitely more rewarding experience than, say, the last two Shrek movies. Sure, the film retains the lighthearted feel of the original franchise but Puss is an infini

What if time was literally money? Well, if In Time is anything to go by, it would make for one idiotic-sounding script. With every mention of money cunningly replaced by " time ", every cent replaced by a "second", every dollar by a "day" and so on and so forth. And if that sounds kinda dumb to you: that's because it is. You're very perceptive. Strange that something this obvious and clunky comes from the writer of The Truman Show and  Gattaca . I like Andrew Niccol's work but this is not the guy's finest hour. I mean, sure In Time looks good and everyone involved is beautiful but where that worked in Gattaca, a film in which perfection was kinda the whole point, here you never know if you're watching a movie or if Justin Timberlake is selling you a new fragrance. Speaking of which, people have to stop putting Mr Lake in movies. I mean it. So many talented folks out there: actors! Occasionally he pulls off a role but he

Sex, gender, horror and betrayal have all been recurring themes in Pedro Almodovar's works for a long time but never have all these been put together in quite such an arresting and original way as in The Skin I Live In, a film which mixes sci-fi, surrealism and Frankenstein -style madness into a unique creation to say the least, one you're not likely to forget any time soon. The Hitchcockian flair Almodovar has often demonstrated has somehow matured into a meticulous manipulation of both content and viewer. Here's a story which is told to us unchronologically, with the filmmaker handing out information on characters and plot little by little, crumb by crumb until everything builds up to one of the best twists in any film which will leave you wanting to rush back into the cinema straight after the end credits have rolled. The horror of the unfolding events never quite sinks in until the very last shot and characters you perceived a certain way change radically so that y

It seems Woody Allen films these days either hit or miss with the critics. It's like it all depends on how good the holiday was with sunny Vicky Cristina Barcelona doing surprisingly well despite its lack of any lasting impact or depth. But Cassandra's Dream and its dreary London gloom? No thanks. Now comes Woody Allen's Paris holiday which starts off as an obvious love letter to the famously (read: cliched-ly) romantic city (minus the homeless) but which soon takes a welcome sci-fi turn almost elevating itself to Purple Rose Of Cairo -style surrealism. Sadly the film refuses to go any deeper than its key message making it more of a cute little idea than a heartbreaking, moving, important story. It's a welcome return to thinking-outside-the-box type films like Scoop in which the afterlife made an appearance. Here, spending midnight in Paris can literally transport you back to a simpler time: the 1920's. Where Ernest Hemingway, the Fitzgeralds and Picasso a

I wonder how many kids growing up reading Dr Seuss' Cat In The Hat ever pictured an overweight Alec Baldwin holding a six-pack of beer in the story let alone Mike Myers in cat drag! Oh well... Initially the film looks appropriately quirky and cartoonish but soon we realise that the story mostly takes place in a living room so goodbye slick CGI suburbia, hello boring pastel-coloured...indoors. Because that's what kids enjoy: Indoors. Anyway, you remember everything that didn't work in Ron Howard's The Grinch ? The noisy, chaotic direction, the messy musical numbers, the intrusive score, the erratic editing, the overacting... Yeah that's all back. The Grinch could be forgiven for being a Christmas movie and for having an ever entertaining Jim Carrey as the titular green grump. Here, however, we're given a rushed, dumb, predictable mess of a kids film with Mike Myers desperately trying to insert some jokes here and there and there's really no re

Up until this moment, the Leprechaun films were just a bunch of stupid but oddly enjoyable, trashy horror comedies. With Leprechaun 4: In Space, I'm pleased to announce, we're entering Ed Wood territory. Going in, I just wanted to know how in hell they were going to explain the Leprechaun's space presence. They don't. Not even a bit. I'm not even sure the word "leprechaun" is even uttered at any point throughout the film! We're told a group of human space marines are going on some planet to kill some alien...which turns out to be Warwick Davis' critter. Leprechaun 3 was no masterpiece but it did have quite a few redeeming qualities about it, but In Space is just...chaos. It's like a weird mix of a Starship Troopers -style action B movie, a Leprechaun horror film, a Mel Brooks, Spaceballs -type Dr Who spoof and a cheesy Star Trek The Original Series episode. Yeah... This is one of those rare films where nothing works. Story? Nope. Visuals