TheRetroCritic

Still my most popular Bat-video to date ;)

lol 

The only Bond film to star George Lazenby as 007, On Her Majesty's Secret Service was certainly a gamble. Casting a relative unknown to tackle the biggest super spy role out there after years of Sean Connery safely at the helm was a bold move to say the least. But did it pay off? Well, the film has enjoyed a cult following over the years and many regard OHMSS as one of the best Bond outings. Watching it growing up, however, I remember being less than impressed: something felt off, way off about this movie. But it’s 2012, a MILLION years later, time to take another look. It’s still no good I’m afraid. A positive attitude going in, I was hoping to enjoy the movie in a so-bad-it’s-good kind of way, as a loveably campy guilty pleasure or I was actually secretly hoping it was genuinely much better than I remembered it. And although parts of it are irresistibly kitsch or amusingly silly there is still something completely off about this whole venture. For one thi

Just a little post to explain the new 007-themed banner (otherwise that's just weird!). This month on TheRetroCritic is "Bond Month" so expect plenty of Bond reviews, 007-related articles, Skyfall goodies and, depending on how the vote goes for Best & Worst Bond Films (see top-left + top-right of Home page), Bond video reviews. The films chosen by the polls as Best & Worst Bond films to date will indeed be given the video review treatment. That is all :) Have fun!

It really takes a genius to undo all the work that went into making Batman more than just a hilarious joke. But it takes A GOD to bring an evolved franchise back 30 years in the space of one movie. Now I have nothing against the old campy Adam West TV series but they really were the last word on that type of spoof/comedy take on the character. With Tim Burton's darker, edgier efforts it looked like we were finally getting to know the comic-book hero... That is, until we realised that this was the type of guy who carried around Bat credit cards and had ice-skates built into his shoes in the event that an impromptu ice ballet might break out. Yes, Joel Schumacher, who had done rather well with the admittedly silly but completely entertaining Batman Forever , just couldn't resist the urge to Adam West the franchise to the max. The result was, fair enough, pretty darn funny but at what cost? Joke or not, Batman & Robin is one astonishingly dire effort on every conc

Alexander Payne is no stranger to pain. It's his NAME! :O Seriously though, very few filmmakers these days capture loneliness quite as skilfully as Payne. Sideways , About Schmidt and Election all great examples of how to make a lonely guy movie right. What makes these films work, strong performances aside, is the way the protagonists are portrayed: they aren't perfect. Frankly... they're kind of assholes. These are flawed beings: jealous, petty, selfish. Sadly, this is why we can identify with them so easily. Payne's dark sense of humour, along with some razor-sharp writing and a heartfelt look at some of the most loveable dummies you'll ever meet usually proves to be a winning formula. So how does The Descendants fare? Lets just say it fits in nicely as a good companion piece to About Schmidt. Though not quite as heartbreaking or funny as the latter, it's a more grown-up movie in some ways. Focusing less on jokes and more on giving the story the w

For a film about downsizing, Up In The Air really doesn't have much to say on the matter except, well, that it's a painful experience. But that's hardly an innovative notion. As a character study though, Up In The Air is pretty good with George Clooney's Ryan not exactly the kind of guy you expect to end up liking but you do anyway. It's light, breezy, funny, stylish and pretty entertaining.  The Oscar buzz feels undeserved though, as good as Clooney is, his performance doesn't exactly leap off the screen and as fun as the film is, it doesn't have much to say besides the old Disney message that families are "good". Unlike Reitman's  Thank You For Smoking  which was far more convincing as a similar type of study. Overall, see it, just don't expect  Lost in Translation .  

Of all the bad movies I managed to acquire this year ( Catwoman , The Room , Troll 2 ) THIS is the one  I was waiting for. The Star Wars film that makes Episode I feel like Goodfellas and those Ewoks movies look like Avatar . A cinematic fail unlike any other, this is one experience you'll never forget. For one thing the first 20 minutes or so is almost silent except for the ear-raping wails and moans of Chewbacca's ugly-ass family. No subtitles, no words: just noises for 20 loooong minutes. It's unwatchable. Then, we're basically treated to the family's entertainment throughout the evening all displayed on various screens around the house. Harvey Korman pops up no less than 3 times, one of them in drag (and, um, questionable make-up) and if that's not exciting enough for ya, there's also Wookie porn, green-screened acrobats, Jefferson Starship's soporific music video and a truly ungodly "Life Day" celebration in which Carrie Fisher does

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Or, as it should be called: "Look Ma I'm in a European Movie!", The American is an odd creation in that it feels like a French or German thriller produced by Steven Soderbergh with Clooney in the middle of it all. Which is not to say it has no value: it's actually surprisingly tense and gripping even if not much at all actually happens. Clooney once again gives a fair but hardly earth-shattering dramatic performance and makes me wish, once again, that I was watching him in another gloriously wacky Coen Brothers movie. That said, he does well here and clearly enjoys the quirks of being in a European movie (Violante Placido is pretty much naked the entire time). Story-wise: he makes a weapon for some ominous hit-woman, falls in love with a prostitute, speaks to a priest for some reason...and a whole bunch of inevitable yet perplexing stuff happens right at the end. The American won't change your life but occasionally it does surprise you with a nea

There are no bad films, only bad entertainment. Whenever you're watching a film and you just can't stand it anymore you have to make it stop: that means it's not bad enough that it's fun and not good enough that it's actually watchable. Troll 2 is not a bad film...I wouldn't say it's particularly well crafted but it really does work. Like Tommy Wiseau's The Room , this is one of those films which may not have achieved its original goal but which has managed to become something altogether better entirely: a cult classic masterpiece of fail. Pointing out the film's shortcomings could take several days but needless to say it gets everything beautifully wrong. The story is nonsensical and frankly dumb, the acting goes from perplexingly odd to the equivalent of ham eating ham-covered ham, the sets and costumes are hilarious and just about everything else is impressively clunky. That Troll 2 has becomes such a cult phenomenon is no surprise, sooner or