TheRetroCritic

Of all the bad movies I managed to acquire this year ( Catwoman , The Room , Troll 2 ) THIS is the one  I was waiting for. The Star Wars film that makes Episode I feel like Goodfellas and those Ewoks movies look like Avatar . A cinematic fail unlike any other, this is one experience you'll never forget. For one thing the first 20 minutes or so is almost silent except for the ear-raping wails and moans of Chewbacca's ugly-ass family. No subtitles, no words: just noises for 20 loooong minutes. It's unwatchable. Then, we're basically treated to the family's entertainment throughout the evening all displayed on various screens around the house. Harvey Korman pops up no less than 3 times, one of them in drag (and, um, questionable make-up) and if that's not exciting enough for ya, there's also Wookie porn, green-screened acrobats, Jefferson Starship's soporific music video and a truly ungodly "Life Day" celebration in which Carrie Fisher does

Sure, the very idea of a trippy animation in which Johnny Depp plays a chameleon wearing a Hawaiian shirt ALONE is amazing. But can that image hold up an entire film on its own? Hmmmm, barely. To be fair, this being Gore Verbinski's first venture into animation, this was never going to be pitch-perfect. Then again Wes Anderson's first attempt with Fantastic Mr Fox was pretty polished. I will say this, though: the film looks great. Visually, it is definitely impressive. Although I will nitpick and say that there are way too many close-ups throughout. Like, ok, do we NEED to see every scale on that snake's face? Can't we just assume it has them? Rango really is an ode to Depp. You've got a Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas reference, you've got a whole bit where Rango displays his acting chops (one of his characters being, ahem, a pirate)...and yes Depp is great in this. Most of the cast is actually pretty good too. The problem, well, one of them, unfortunat