TheRetroCritic

From Richard Pepin, director of the Cyber Tracker movies, comes this ambitious disaster...thriller in which LA is pretty much destroyed by some big-ass earthquake. Is it any good? Lets find out. The film actually starts off as some kind of spy thriller with Gary Daniels stealing some files and microchip off some big company in order to sell it to some bald Russian mobster. But this undercover FBI agent (played by consistently rubbish Traci Lords) manages to arrest him. So far so thriller but then Jeff Fahey shows up and there's an earthquake that NEVER ends! Could this film be getting awesome? No, not quite. The whole thing is pretty clumsy throughout: the acting ranges from awful (Lords) to good (Fahey), the effects range from lame (a sex scene in which obviously the actress refused to be naked so they only show her face and some unknown stunt-boob lady's body) to surprisingly decent (buildings falling apart etc.) making for a pretty uneven affair. The ending is also laug

One of the best bits of Grindhouse was definitely the fake trailers. And one of the best bits of the fake trailers was Machete , which promised flying motorbikes, killer priests, threesomes and Danny Trejo kicking a whole lotta ass. Three years later, we finally got the promised feature. Better late than never, I say. Shame  Sin City 2 took decades... Robert Rodriguez excels at mimicking 70's exploitation films, whether it be horror movies ( F rom Dusk Till Dawn , Planet Terror ) or Mexploitation action flicks ( Once Upon a Time in Mexico , Desperado ) so Machete was always going to be a shoe-in. That it took so long to make is therefore surprising but as long as it exists, I'm not about to complain. So does Machete get the job done? Perfectly capturing the sleaze and silliness of Grindhouse action B-movies, Machete is about as badass, random and fun as it gets. Rodriguez's film certainly shows weak efforts like A-Team and The Expendables (out the same year)