TheRetroCritic

As Die Hard fans all over the world, me including, hang their heads in shame, it appears they've finally done it. They have finally run this franchise into the ground. So much so that I now see Die Hard 4.0 as the last GOOD Die Hard flick and I was no fan of that one, frankly... First up: the plot. Nonsense. You've got John McClane going all the way to Russia to try and help his son not get locked up for a bunch of crimes it turns out he only committed as part of a secret CIA mission set in motion to try and recover some file from some bearded dude, along the way McClane and son meet a carrot-eating, tapdancing villain and go to Tchernobyl. Like, what? That's the story they went with? Jeesh, I wonder what other plots they must have passed on before settling on this trainwreck. To give you an idea, the film opens and it looks and feels nothing like a Die Hard film: no charm, no wit, no brains, no creativity, no suspense, no hook, no concept. If anything, it fe

Time travel movies are a gamble: they either work or they don't.  Or they work well enough that you feel too dumb to figure out if they actually make sense. Remember Twelve Monkeys ? Man that film made me feel f***in' stupid back in the day... So along comes Looper , a film which once again takes the "let's send Bruce Willis back in time" scenario and puts a brand new spin on it. This time, we follow Joseph Gordon-Levitt who plays a younger Willis whose job it is to kill whoever the mob (who have somehow gained control of time travel technology) sends back. One day, his older self is sent back by order of a mysterious mob boss known only as The Rainmaker who is closing all the "loops" for whatever reason (getting every "looper" to kill their older selves, basically). The lines between hero and villain get blurred as young Joe's mission turns out to be more righteous than older Joe's, which involves killing random childr

Yippee... well, you know.

Die Hard . How do you beat that movie in terms of action and sheer gripping suspense? I'll tell ya. With a vengeance, that's how. Don't get me wrong, I love Die Hard and it is a classic but when it comes down to it, it's pretty claustrophobic taking place mostly in that skyscraper and all. For me, Die Hard: With A Vengeance is just that little bit more glorious in that the entire city is at stake this time, you've got a villain which would give even the likes of Batman chest pains and it all takes off instantly. You thought Die Hard 2 lacked a certain je-ne-sais-quoi? Well here it is. That's another point: With A Vengeance continues the franchise without feeling like a retread, which Die Hard 2 was a bit, to a certain extent. This time around, John McClane's not exactly at the top of his game. He's been suspended from the police force, his marriage has gone down the drain once again and he's got a bad hangover. So when a new villain on

With Die Hard maestro John McTiernan not onboard for this sequel, it could have all gone wrong and our beloved McClane could have been left carrying a mediocre retread over his shoulders leaving the franchise to slowly go downhill after that. Thankfully, what we got was a retread, for sure, but a decent one with enough action and enough lols to carry us through to the next, superior, round. Arguably the least memorable of all Die Hard flicks, this sequel is commonly known as "the airport one" and, indeed, there's not much more to it. Once again it's Christmas and once again John McClane is stuck in one place trying to stop terrorists from pulling off some elaborate plan which just happens to involve his wife, kind of. This would all be much too familiar and dull if it weren't for the likes of Bruce Willis himself, who still does a top job as the iconic put-upon cop, a brilliantly creepy bunch of villains (including a chilling William Sadler) and some kicka

Tangerine lol

Wes Anderson films aren't for everyone and if you're new to the director's unique style then Moonrise Kingdom is probably not the best place to start. This latest tale is essentially a kids movie for adults so whether you're one or the other you'll find it's a bit of a weird one to fully get into. The story follows two kids in love who one day decide to run away together, this leaves the parents, Scout Master Ward (a perfect Edward Norton), his scouts and Bruce Willis' cop to try their best to hunt them down. This doesn't prove to be that straight-forward as Sam (Jared Hilman), the loose scout, is a skilled survivor and his partner in crime Suzy (Kara Hayward) has a bit of a violent streak. It's a cute love story with  a sweet, touching resolution and Anderson's style compliments the 60's setting perfectly. He does give the film a bit of an edge also which is very welcome as otherwise this would have been one cutesy-ass movie. As it sta

Here's one you might have forgotten: The Whole Nine Yards , starring Matthew Perry and Bruce Willis as a stressed-out dentist and a dangerous hitman neighbour respectively (duh). Basically Willis' Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski moves in next door to some dentist with a shitty life and an odious wife (played like a Tex Avery cartoon character by Rosanna Arquette) and poor old Chandler gets sucked into a complex plot he wasn't quite ready for. The rest of the cast includes the ever reliable Michael Clarke Duncan, Amanda Peet (her breasts also), Kevin Pollak and Harland Williams in a fun cameo. It's a good bunch and the great chemistry between all these characters is what really holds the movie together. The plot's a bit of a mess and isn't particularly memorable but it's more about the ride than anything else. Your enjoyment of this little cult comedy will depend on how you feel about Matthew Perry's typical slapstick persona because, be warned

It's TESTOSTERRIFIC!!!

Absolutely brilliant reimagining of the first Evil Dead as a slapstick comedy. Consistently creative and hilarious, Sam Raimi clearly has the time of his life here as Bruce Campbell gets drenched in every bodily fluid known to man whilst giving cinema some of its best and least subtle one liners ever. "Groovy!" indeed this is. And as if the first Evil Dead wasn't insane enough we now have evil hands, laughing deer heads, headless dancing corpses and god knows what else to worry about. Evil Dead 2 is probably one of the most chaotic films you'll ever experience but if you have a slightly twisted sense of humour and enjoy a good horror film, this is a treat. This sequel has a notably more significant budget than the first Evil Dead which relied mostly on DIY practical (and make-up) effects not to mention lots and lots of screaming to create the required atmosphere. Here, Raimi spends the dough wisely and makes this second instalment the best and most