TheRetroCritic

Oh dear... I don't know what annoys me most, that this movie was ever made or that people actually really like it and even go as far as saying it surpasses the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre sometimes! Let's call it a draw. Both statements annoy me equally. Michael Bay once again gets one of his music video director friends onboard and, once again, they royally screw it up. Hey, how about getting a real FILM director next time? With all these awful horror remakes, Bay really has revealed himself to be an incompetent producer as well as an incompetent director. The first Friday The 13th I could see being remade so that didn't bother me too much, A Nightmare On Elm Street didn't need a remake, especially a dull one, but Texas Chainsaw Massacre is one of those classic horror films you just don't remake. There's just no point. It's like that remake of Psycho or that Stephen King The Shining TV movie. Who asked for THOSE?! Anyway, here we hav

Here's one horror remake I was actually looking forward to. I had heard some negative feedback but also some good things about it so as far as I was concerned it didn't look too bad in the trailer so there was a chance that it might actually be a decent remake. Nope. There was something about the original A Nightmare On Elm Street that made it an easy film to watch and re-watch. It didn't take itself too seriously, its villain was a prankster with a REALLY dark sense of humour, Freddy's dream kills were creative and pretty surreal to the point where you genuinely didn't know what was coming next and you got to see a Johnny Depp in serious trouble. It was a silly flick but it was a lot of fun and introduced us to one of cinema's most iconic killers. Here we have a slick, Michael Bay-produced remake starring the always reliable Jackie Earle Haley ( Watchmen , Dark Shadows ) as Freddy Krueger, a part which had been played for decades by Robert Englund.

It's hard to describe my anticipation for Michael Bay's new attempt at a Transformers live action film. On the one hand, seeing a good Transformers film would blow me away so there's always THAT hope, on the other hand... Transformers 2 ... The prospect of sitting through another 2 and a half hours of moronic, nonsensical, offensive cheese with robots thrown in was a painful one but I just had to know if Bay could sink any lower than Transformers 2 or, god forbid, make something half decent! But Mr Pearl Harbor did not disappoint with a follow-up every bit as childish, stupid and tasteless as its predecessor but minus the fun and 10 more minutes thrown in. Now that said, I should point out that this effort is probably better than the last one if only for some impressive effects, no Megan Fox and no racist robots. Yes the pain is diminished slightly but new pain is introduced through countless stereotypes, macho homophobic humour, rampant sexism, music video-style