TheRetroCritic

I'll come right out and say it: I didn't really grow up with The Muppets. Oh sure I saw the odd show and the odd movie, A Muppets Christmas Carol is almost unavoidable every December, but I was never much of a fan. I mostly watched The Muppet Show for the guest stars but going into this Jason Segel homage I was nonetheless familiar with all the characters and was looking forward to seeing those furry bastards again. And with all the praise this new outing has been getting I must say I was left somewhat underwhelmed and overall disappointed. Now, I like Jason Segel as much as the next guy: his "Dracula Puppet Musical" at the heart of Forgetting Sarah Marshall made the film and he's a lot of fun in most films he's in but this just isn't a very good Muppets movie. Don't get me wrong: it's cute, heartfelt and decent in parts but everything that doesn't take place during the reborn Muppet Show itself mostly falls flat and feels a tad awkwar

How I missed a film like The Game all these years is beyond me. Ok, I'll admit I rarely flock to Michael Douglas movies but this is one of the good ones. Douglas plays a cold, wealthy financier whose brother's (Sean Penn) birthday present turns out to be one hell of a mind-f***. What follows is a thrilling descent into madness and although the ending doesn't exactly live up to the incredible build-up preceding it, it's all about the ride and David Fincher proves just how brilliant he is at keeping his viewers on the edge of their seat right up until the very last shot. This is a film which does remarkably well when it comes to keeping the viewer guessing throughout whilst always being one step ahead. By the end, Michael Douglas may be understandably emotionally devastated but we're left still expecting one more trick up the movie's sleeve. Like a final mega-twist or something. This doesn't really happen but like I said: it's all about the ride. And

Check out my (late) entry into the 2nd instalment of the Retro Gaming Roundtable over at LoudMouthedGamers.com ! Also read everyone else's cool take on the proposed prompt. RGR #3 should be up soon so stay tuned!

Although many will tell you that this is the best adaptation of Alexandre Dumas' story, those people probably haven't read the book. Yes Richard Lester's film has a lot going for it and gets a lot of things right, it also gets a lot of things wrong not only in terms of staying close to the story but also dramatically. The cast, for the most part, is spot on. Oliver Reed steals the show as Athos and proves to be perfect casting for the role. Heston's Cardinal, Dunaway's Milady and Lee's Rochefort are all brilliant. Unfortunately, Raquel Welch proves to be this film's splinter which refuses to go away no matter how much you try to take it out. Her performance is absolutely abysmal and the director's decision to turn Constance into a bumbling clumsy fool is unnecessary and frankly DUMB. Whatever happened to the Queen's cunning spy maid? You know when you've been Clouseau-ed. Michael York is fine as D'Artagnan although once again Lester makes

Olivia de Havilland loses it and we sit and watch as she attempts to regain some shred of her sanity and hopefully leave her confinement to be reunited with her husband. The reasons behind her nervous breakdown are revealed little by little and although the feel of the film is, at times, very Hitchcockian, the way the subject-matter is handled makes  Spellbound  look like a 5 year-old child's perception of psychoanalysis rather than a legitimate take on it. De Havilland's performance in this is one of the most complex, unpredictable and powerful I've seen in a long time and, again, makes Gregory Peck's performance in Spellbound look even poorer than it already is in comparison. She earned a well deserved Oscar nomination and so did the film. The Snake Pit is very dark and doesn't sugar-coat much, with some scenes actually quite hard to watch and pretty daring for 1948. As larger than life as some of the characters may be, this is far more subtle and honest than

Still feeling the aftershock from Starship Troopers 2 's assness, I finally decided to end the suffering and complete the trilogy. Presented by Paul Verhoeven, starring Casper Van Dien, boasting big robots on the cover (I know, I'm easily led): Starship Troopers 3: Marauder promised to offer something resembling a decent film or at least something better than the preceding train wreck. The result? I'm happy to say that it is, indeed, better than Hero Of The Federation. Like a hundred times better. No more shall we roam around dark corridors aimlessly, no more shall we endure some of the dullest dialogs and characters in movie history and no more shall we have to sit through the most repetitive display of bug attacks you'll ever see. Man these guys were stealthy: patiently waiting around the corner for humans to pass by innocently... Bullshit! These are mean-ass killer bugs goddamnit! They don't stop for shit! This is partly why Marauder works: it underst

Whether you like it or not: Twilight is a big deal. Not in terms of quality or artistic value of course but in terms of what an impact it's had on our teen culture. It was inevitable, then, that ripoffs would arise trying to cash in on the money-sucking saga. Obvious attempts that suddenly spring to mind include Red Riding Hood , Beastly and the subject of this here review: Blood & Chocolate . Pretend the title's less terrible than it is, it'll make this way easier. So why can Blood & Chocolate be called a Twilight ripoff/B movie? Well, lets see. You've got a young human/werewolf relationship, sparkly supernatural beings running around in forests, LOTS of walking and talking, copious amounts of cheese and... topless werewolves. Need I say more? The good news is that it's not Twilight. The bad news? It's worse. I'd say it's on a par with Eclipse but no: it's worse. I'll let that sink in. And it's not just the Twilig

How insulting. You don't think I have that?! I AM Conan The Destroyer [DVD] [1984]!!!

After all the hype, The Artist was a film I almost wanted to dislike, even if it did star Best Frenchman Ever Jean Dujardin and dared to be a black & white silent film at a time when 3D, CGI and superheroes are kind of a given. I resisted but, like it or not, The Artist is a good film: a very good film, in fact. Not the masterpiece the critics unanimously agreed upon but definitely one to watch. For those who actually do watch old movies on a regular basis this is a tough movie to warm up to at first seeing how shamelessly derivative it is but most will love it instantly. For a while, frankly I reallycouldn't figure out what was actually original about The Artist in any way... You've got the plot of Singin' In The Rain , characters straight out of All About Eve , The Red Shoes or Sunset Boulevard and a dog straight out of... Beverly Hills Chihuahua ? Seriously, people need to stop raving on about that blasted mutt! Is everyone 5 years old?! I like that he saves

For a film about downsizing, Up In The Air really doesn't have much to say on the matter except, well, that it's a painful experience. But that's hardly an innovative notion. As a character study though, Up In The Air is pretty good with George Clooney's Ryan not exactly the kind of guy you expect to end up liking but you do anyway. It's light, breezy, funny, stylish and pretty entertaining.  The Oscar buzz feels undeserved though, as good as Clooney is, his performance doesn't exactly leap off the screen and as fun as the film is, it doesn't have much to say besides the old Disney message that families are "good". Unlike Reitman's  Thank You For Smoking  which was far more convincing as a similar type of study. Overall, see it, just don't expect  Lost in Translation .  

Something of a cult classic in France, this nasty little black comedy is very simple but effective. An evil, manipulative (and possibly clinically insane) old lady treats everyone around her like crap in order to either get her own way or just have her sadistic fun with them. Everything goes fine for her as she tortures her family until she finally meets her match. Worth seeing if only for this one scene where she gets slapped in the face, which is MONUMENTALLY amazing on so many levels, Tatie Danielle is a dark and fun treat for those with a slightly twisted sense of humour. 

Top 10 Biggest Black Swan Lols from TheRetroCritic on Vimeo .

Some of you might recall mentioning a poster contest in an earlier post . Here's more info about it: THE CONTEST Looking forward to The Dark Knight Rises ? Can't wait until The Avengers ? Indifferent about Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 ? From where I'm standing, 2012 looks set to be one badass year at the movies. Which is why here at TheRetroCritic we want you to get involved in the fun! MAKE YOUR OWN POSTER for any upcoming 2012 release: doesn't have to be professional, doesn't have to perfect, just creative and/or funny. The posters can be silly, artistic, amazing, ass... it's all good! THE REWARD The best 3 posters will: - Be posted on the blog's new photo gallery! - Be included in the review of the depicted film! - Be made for real and sent to you directly in a goodie bag! The best runner-up posters will also be posted in the blog's photo gallery and a link to your own website/blog/page will be included in the "Retro Links&q