TheRetroCritic

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I rant at length about Transformers: The Last Knight .

Michael Bay returns to direct yet another Transformers sequel as the popular yet also critically reviled franchise again promises a darker, more emotional film packed with big, bombastic action scenes and a post-apocalyptic setting. Transformers: The Last Knight opens on a perplexing note as we're thrown into a full-on battle involving the 12 Knights of the Round Table including Merlin the Wizard (not kidding): a Stanley Tucci in full Monty Python mode. As it turns out, Merlin's magical powers were lent to him by early Transformers who allowed him to unleash dragons and such. Somehow, this has an impact on present day where Transformers are outlawed because they are blamed for reducing parts of Chicago to dust. Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) is given a talisman by a dying Transformer Knight and he becomes the titular "last knight" as he is supposedly chosen to help defeat evil. With Optimus Prime busy floating in space and talking to octopus-haired robot villaine

As we enter the Age Of Incomprehension, so do the Transformers enter the Age Of Extinction . In other words: what WAS this movie?! Now, a lot has been said about the Transformers franchise and about its director. With each release comes a backlash usually mocking either Michael Bay's incompetence, how silly the films are, the leads' miscasting or the bots themselves. Well... This one won't be any different, I imagine. Which is a shame seeing as this is easily the best (read: least painful) Transformers film since the first one. Having said that, Bay's asking for it, at this point. After the surprising return to form that was Pain & Gain , this would have been the perfect opportunity for the director to take the money-grubbing franchise into a new, more involving, better direction. On the plus side, the grating Shia Labeouf is absent this time around, replaced by the infinitely more appropriate and likeable Mark Wahlberg, a man who can make even the wo

Ok, so Michael Bay's latest Transformers movie, Transformers: Age Of Extinction , finally got a trailer this week, thanks to the Superbowl, and it was... well, interesting. Now, unfortunately you still have human characters running around screaming, which I'm guessing is all they can do in this movie since the Autobots look a bit too busy with those Dinobots and Decepticons to really pay any attention to them. The trailer opens with some fun Autobot action in the countryside: Complete with dramatic moments: And cars being sliced in half: Punkass Decepticons... Alright, so the trailer does a good job at keeping your attention throughout but, just in case, it still finds the time to fit in a big-ass gun: And some space action: After some awkward slo-mo shots of Mark Wahlberg and co, we finally get some short glimpses at the main action sequences in the film: Green Autobot with parachute jumping out of a building before taking

It's hard to describe my anticipation for Michael Bay's new attempt at a Transformers live action film. On the one hand, seeing a good Transformers film would blow me away so there's always THAT hope, on the other hand... Transformers 2 ... The prospect of sitting through another 2 and a half hours of moronic, nonsensical, offensive cheese with robots thrown in was a painful one but I just had to know if Bay could sink any lower than Transformers 2 or, god forbid, make something half decent! But Mr Pearl Harbor did not disappoint with a follow-up every bit as childish, stupid and tasteless as its predecessor but minus the fun and 10 more minutes thrown in. Now that said, I should point out that this effort is probably better than the last one if only for some impressive effects, no Megan Fox and no racist robots. Yes the pain is diminished slightly but new pain is introduced through countless stereotypes, macho homophobic humour, rampant sexism, music video-style