9/13/14

TOP 15 MOST FIERY NICOLAS CAGE MOVIE POSTERS

Nicolas Cage is many things: amazing, awful, hilarious, dull, entertaining, unique, talented, fascinating and, most importantly, completely out of his freakin' mind.

He also has some weird obsession with fire.

Somehow, a huge chunk of his films seem to have "fire" as a main motif, especially where the posters are concerned. Whether fire is actually an important part of the film depicted or not, you can be sure that there'll be some spark here or there regardless.

Which is why I thought I'd list some of my favourite fire-related Nicolas Cage posters because it's frankly odd that this is a thing AND most of these posters are so bad, so ridiculous, they're in fact beautiful, awesome and perfect in every way.

Let's do this.

15
BANGKOK DANGEROUS


Who knows what the hell's going on in this poster?!

Cage's oversized left arm is clearly dislocated and he looks more like he's scratching the back of his right shoulder than he looks like he's digging for a gun, which I'm guessing is what this was going for. Furthermore, the man appears to be in front of a pane of glass riddled with bullets and a spark at the bottom left seems to have prompted a fiery ejaculation on the right side.

Bizarre.

14
NEXT


About as lazy as the film itself, this one.

The main focus here, as it is in most of these, is of course The Cagemeister's giant pouting face. With tiny ladies sprouting out of his cheek. And, because none of that is threatening or meaningful in any way, someone decided to put a general amount of fire near the bottom of the poster, consuming some nameless city. 

Like I said: lazy.

13
THE WICKER MAN


It would have been difficult not to mention The Wicker Man at all in this list seeing as fire is a big part of that movie and, of course, the original film. The iconic image of both versions being the burning wicker man, though Nic Cage in a bear suit or with a beard of bees are strong contenders also.

Not much else to say about this one except that Nicolas Cage looks like a 30-feet tall Keanu Reeves and the fire is burning the wicker man's wicker crotch.

12
NATIONAL TREASURE 1 & 2


Lumped these two together for obvious reasons.

(they're the same movie)

The first poster sees a heroic Indiana Jones-esque Cage being framed by two burning torches while the second sees a roughly photoshopped Cage holding a burning torch while standing in front of obvious European landmarks and seemingly burning in hell as a fire inexplicably takes over half of the poster because...

Secrets?

11 
DRIVE ANGRY


While not the main poster, which had a vague amount of fire on one corner of it, this particular one at least gives us a couple of burning cars. And, seeing as the entire plot of the film is about Nic Cage driving out of Hell IN A CAR, it feels quite fitting. Drive Angry is little more than a Ghost Rider B-movie which just happens to also star Nicolas Cage and, as that, it's loads of fun delivering exactly what you'd expect and want it to.

Things are hotting up, can you feel it?

10
LORD OF WAR


C-could it be?

Finally a decent movie?!

In Lord Of War, Nicolas Cage plays an arms dealer with questionable morals so having him stand in front of exploding missiles makes sense. It's not as cool as that alternative poster of him standing on about a million bullets, though.

9
STOLEN 


Nope, this one's not a joke: Stolen is indeed Nicolas Cage's attempt at a blatant Taken rip-off.

The poster, however, seems to focus on an amusingly terrible photoshop job depicting Cage running away from a burning car which clumsily suggests that the film is about stealing cars, which it isn't. I've seen variations of this poster where the car's scrapped completely, leaving nothing much at all. I like this one, mostly because it looks like Cage has a Kermit The Frog-style muppet hand.

Adorable.

8
WILD AT HEART


Awesome movie, cool poster.

David Lynch's sex drugs and rock n' roll tale of Wizard Of Oz symbolism and Elvis impersonations was one hell of a wild ride. In case you don't know, it's a road movie about two seemingly doomed lovers headed for an uncertain, prickly future, hence the fire in Sailor and Lula's horizon on the poster.

Good stuff.

7
LEFT BEHIND


Man, where to begin with this one...

Ok, so Nicolas Cage plays a pilot in some pseudo-religious disaster movie about the rapture... and planes. Something like that. I'm sure the film itself had some form of budget but the poster looks like it was put together in 5 minutes by a vision-free teenager. No planes in sight. Instead, we get a chubby Cage and a bunch of other people all standing in the middle of some road, each of them looking nice and clean, totally not scared and totally not in the same place as the others when the pictures were taken. In the background, the city's on fire because... fire BAD.

Add to all that a hilarious "Bwaaaaah?!" expression on Nicolas Cage's face and the awful, overused tagline "The End Begins" and you've got yourself one of the worst posters out there.

Wow.

6
SEASON OF THE WITCH


The movie itself may not have been anything too special but the poster at least delivered.

Nicolas Cage holding a fire sword? I'm in!

Oh, also, somewhere far into the background random things are on fire.

Season Of The Witch was, you've guessed it, about a witch and the film led us to a wholly unconvincing if entertaining climax involving some Hell demon. Which is why fire's such a big part of that poster.

5
CON AIR


Left Behind probably dreams it had this poster!

Buckle up, this is Con Air and Con Air doesn't f*** around.

You know what makes a badass poster? A big cast to boast about, a cute, playful little logo and a dude holding two guns up in the air as a plane bursts into flames as it seemingly lands 10 metres away from him. It's over-dramatic, it's ridiculous, it's great.

It's Con Air.

4
RAGE


As a title, "Rage" suggests that Nicolas Cage is very angry in this movie.

Which is why the poster decided to have the guy take a little stroll and look around looking completely nonchalant. Seriously, it looks like Cage is thinking about feeding his cat or doing the dishes or something. It's like the man doesn't show up for photo shoots so random pictures of his face are passed around and photoshopped to death until Cage doesn't even really look like himself anymore. By the way, if I remember correctly, this is the film which had a trailer where Cage loses it and drives a car as it catches fire or something. Now doesn't that sound way more awesome?

Luckily, it totally looks like Cage himself is on fire in this poster and he hasn't noticed yet and that's pretty darn funny.

3
KNOWING


Knowing doesn't have much going for it as a movie, frankly.

In fact, the best scene in the entire thing was a plane crash and that's honestly what I would have pushed in the poster. Instead, we get a weird setup in which at the top the entire world is farting fiery numbers, in the middle some lady seems to be riding on Nicolas Cage's back while a little boy is tied back to back with her and, at the bottom, a city is burned to a crisp. I'm calling major spoilers on that last part, by the way. What happens when the numbers run out? Yeah, the city explodes. The poster gives that away like it's no biggie.

That one's so high up on the list because of its scale (the world's on fire).

2
FIRE BIRDS


Yes, that's right.

This one's at number 2 because the word "FIRE" is actually part of the title. Come on, I never said the list had to include pictures of fire, only that it had to be fiery and, unless I'm mistaken, fire is one of the fieriest words out there! You could argue, though, that the orange goop which seems to be swallowing up this movie's cast in the poster is actually fire and, if that's the case, then this one's ALL fire.

And finally...

1
GHOST RIDER 1 & 2


Surprised?

Didn't think so.

Fire's kind of a big deal to the Ghost Rider franchise and its main character who is, just to remind you, a flaming skull dude riding a fiery motorcycle. The films are about as pyromaniac as they get as they throw just about everything at us then douse it all in flames: fire horses, fire bulldozers, spitting fire, pissing fire, fire coming out of your nose, even the Devil himself's an important character in both movies. The only thing they could possibly do to up the ante is have Nicolas Cage walk up to the camera, pull down his pants and literally defecate fire right before our very eyes.

As for the posters, the one on the left sees a leather (and bad wig) wearing Cage standing there looking cool in front of his fire bike as the poster itself catches fire. The second poster is mostly just the Rider and his motorcycle showing off what is essentially fire and leather porn at this point.

Ghost Rider and Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance are, indeed, the most fiery Nic Cage posters (and movies) out there.

There are, of course, other fiery Nicolas Cage posters out there so feel free to comment below with more!

1 comment:

  1. My husband is a big fan of Nicolas cage. He never misses a chance to watch nicolas cage movies, His most favorite one is Knowing though for me he is not that great actor.

    ReplyDelete

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