A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD - REVIEW

As Die Hard fans all over the world, me including, hang their heads in shame, it appears they've finally done it.

They have finally run this franchise into the ground.

So much so that I now see Die Hard 4.0 as the last GOOD Die Hard flick and I was no fan of that one, frankly...

First up: the plot.

Nonsense.

You've got John McClane going all the way to Russia to try and help his son not get locked up for a bunch of crimes it turns out he only committed as part of a secret CIA mission set in motion to try and recover some file from some bearded dude, along the way McClane and son meet a carrot-eating, tapdancing villain and go to Tchernobyl. Like, what? That's the story they went with? Jeesh, I wonder what other plots they must have passed on before settling on this trainwreck. To give you an idea, the film opens and it looks and feels nothing like a Die Hard film: no charm, no wit, no brains, no creativity, no suspense, no hook, no concept. If anything, it feels like some bad TV movie with some cliched Russian gangsters you don't give a crap about and a new character, McClane Jr (Jack Reacher's Jai Courtney), you also don't give a crap about. Which is a shame because this is essentially HIS movie: he drives the plot forward, he's got most of the lines, it's all about him!

Yes, John McClane is a supporting character in a Die Hard flick.

This is what we've come to.

Think Sean Connery in Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade but devoid of any real humour, charm or... acting.

For shame.

Action-wise, the film opens with an overlong, incomprehensible car chase which has no rhyme or reason and is shot too close for you to see anything. You've got a Blues Brothers-level amount of car carnage and somehow NONE of it is entertaining or useful! Hell, it's not even clear who's who or what's going on at this point and a hundred things are happening on a road, in vehicles you can barely see. Then, the movie builds up to a helicopter scene halfway through which does look alright, you've seen it in the trailers. But then, guess what the entire movie builds up to?

Take a guess.

That's right, you've nailed it: another helicopter scene.

Yippie ki... huh?!

Talk about upping the stakes! What a cop out...

Speaking of Cop Out, there's one Bruce Willis movie I would rather be watching than this garbage!

It's a bad day to be a Die Hard fan because this is one awful movie by any standards and especially by Die Hard standards. Remember how friggin' good that franchise once was?

No more.

McClane, a once iconic character, is now relegated to supporting some dude you've just met and spouting lame daddy/sonny sweet-talk and "I'm on vacation!" one-liners (which don't even make any sense, he's not on vacation!!!). Picture Die Hard 4.0 if Justin Long was the main character and McClane was just driving him around the entire time in an overcast, grey environment, with the whole thing shot through someone's sphincter. On top of that, the plot gets so contrived it raises more questions than it answers: why are we in Tchernobyl? Why did the real villain go through all this trouble just to get there? Why is there a swimming pool in Tchernobyl? How come you can just delete radioactivity from the atmosphere with a portable bullshit machine? What's with the random use of slow-mo? Why is the focus off most of the time? Why can't I see what's happening? Why are they ripping off good Die Hard movies? How did we get to this mess?!

All in all, in case you haven't noticed: I don't like this movie. It's poorly made, poorly acted, it's unpleasant to look at, it makes no sense and, worst of all, it kills the Die Hard franchise as you're watching it. Here's hoping Bruce Willis lets McClane go once and for all or... gets someone who knows what they're doing to reinvent the series completely. I would say check it out if you like the Die Hard movies, if only for Willis, but seriously: don't.

Completely not worth it.

Terrible.