WATER FOR ELEPHANTS - REVIEW


Edward from Twilight, that nazi from Inglourious Basterds and Legally Blonde walk into a circus...

Sounds like a joke, right?

Well now it's a film.

With a title like that and Trapeze-style melodramatic visuals, I have to say I expected something pretty hilarious and in all fairness this wasn't big or fun enough to be hilarious, only amusingly idiotic I'm afraid.

Still, there's loads to enjoy here! You've got Christoph Waltz who excels once again as a demented villain with a genial way of playing with people's emotions. One second he's a giddy, loveable weirdo, the next he'ssingle-handedly beating up an elephant (a strangely Polish and peaceful elephant at that). He's, in a word: mad. Which is great! If only everyone else had put in some heart and effort into their roles we could have had something half decent here.

A less vampiric Robert Pattinson once again delivers what, at first, seems like a dark, brooding performance but soon enough reveals itself as gas. With his trusty two emotions ranging from "mildly annoyed" to "a 4-year-old child rides a pony for the first time", he is one weak leading man to say the least.

Tony Curtis, Cary Grant, please come back you guys...our movie elephants need you.

As for Reese Witherspoon, there's really not much to say: she's about as charming and likeable as the train and the chemistry between her and Pattinson makes you wish Bella was around. Because you know you're watching a good movie when you're missing Twilight...

I'm being mean but to be honest this is one boring and stupid film. If you're going to invest into such a big melodrama you've got to get your ingredients right otherwise there's just no reason for that film to exist. The old-lady-from-Titanic-style framing device feels forced and dated, the acting is uneven, the pace is soporific, the ending ridiculous and unsatisfying...but Waltz is in it.

Overall, this one can only be described as a miscast, misdirected blunder but one with a cute elephant, a fantastic villain and nice enough visuals.

Uneven.

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