As my endless search for the funniest and best bad movie around continues, I find myself sitting for an hour waiting for some rubbish-looking octopus to show up in a spy movie set in a submarine. And although the wait is obviously not worth it, there is at least enough silliness involved here to keep me entertained.
You've essentially got two movies in one here: a watchable spy TV movie starring a Daniel Craig lookalike as a Russian terrorist and an awfully boring horror B-movie about a giant octopus messing around with a submarine filled with forgettable characters. Putting these two films together, shockingly, doesn't work and you'll soon find yourself not caring about the monster and just wishing you were watching the spy movie instead.
Dire special effects, terrible but fun over (and under) acting, evil Daniel Craig dressed-up like an old lady, Carolyn Lowery's slutty "scientist", the line: "She's holding, baby!": there are some gems here and there but you can't make a spy/giant octopus movie and expect it to just blossom into something resembling a proper film.
If you like bad movies, this has its moments. But even then, submarine movies are usually a drag and this is no exception: at an hour and forty minutes, Octopus feels about two and a half hours long.
Watch it for the spy elements, the lol reaction shots, the bizarre transitions, the corny one-liners and the schizophrenic structure but otherwise: please disperse, nothing to see here.